Trust..

sucks ass. Especially when You're trying so hard to gain it from someone. -_-
It's like , why should I give my all to make him believe me, when he's only thinking about what I did in the past. Seriously, the things I did in my past... yeah It's not who I am. I don't know why it happened, I guess because of out of pity ? I mean c'mon, I have waaay to big of a heart. What can I do? I can't be rude to another person for shit. I'm always ended up forgiving them, no matter how disrespectful they were to me. I may treat them differently, but I'm not taking them back.


The thing about RPM & me. - well it's a lil complicated now for me. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I guess I'll just stay single for the rest of my days. But heck I don't wanna loose a good guy like him. He's getting really confusing to me. Like he says one great thing. and then says a bad one. Like it's making me feel like an idiot, not even that just pathetic and stupid. It's making me feel like shit as much as he's making me so happy again. WTFRICK. Like he'll tell me I'm everything he ever wanted , then he's thinking of me as a bad person. like he keeps thinking I'm lying to him, hiding shit from him, He thinks I might go and play around with someone else. UUUGGGGHHH , it seriously irritates me when someone I really like, (yeah him) Is gonna think of me that way when I'm telling him SOOOO many times that I'm not like that. I'm not gonna do all that. & PLUS I already made a promise to him that I wouldn't lie to him ever. I've been keeping this promise. & I'm not gonna break it , because I don't like it when people break my promises. why should I break theirs? You know whata I mean?? It's like it's killing me inside how he thinks I'm such a bad person. & it's really hard to try and convince him that I'm not like that, like If I could , I would fly down to LA right now, and tell him face to face cause I'm tired of sitting here thinking about all this all day long. I gota let it out , and the phone is not gonna work. Nothing's gonna keep my mind off of it. fnaklnfvaklshiowe it's making me mad, cause I let myself fall again for someone whose not even feeling the same way anymore. Someone I thought was actually gonna be right for once, isn't . He may be everything I ever wanted in a person. It's just I'm not the one for him.. -_- GAAAAH it's bugging the SHIAT out of me. I know we told each other that we'd build a friendship first, but man it's like we're already together we're just not official. I really want him to see that I really care about him, That I really like him, & I'm not gonna wanna do anything to hurt him. But he has to fuckn trust me first. HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA HAVE SOMEONE TRUST ME WHEN THEY'RE ONLY THINKING OF MY PAST!? THE PASSSSSTTTT. UGHKLASNFKLANKLHNILHALINFKN I don't wanna loose him. I don't wanna drop him. No not someone like him, no I'm not gonna. I'm just gonna sit here and wait til he can trust me. & if it's too late, if he decides to leave then okay, I'll be there for him, As long as he's happy then I'll be fine. I really care about him. Like he's really something special to me, he's getting quite important to me and I know I'm saying a lot for only a guy I've been talking to for a few months now. I know I sound really childish right now, I know I'm not suppose to let myself fall now, I know it's way to soon. But what can I do when I feel like I'm in love with this guy??????? O.O OMG . I know I'm not, but my god, the feelings are getting crazier and crazier each time I talk to him. Am I loosing it? Yes. I probably am. oh gosh. Someone HELP me please!!!



nsvkl angvalhgal hlh AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH . this is not good -_- this isn't good at all. Why am I so freakin attached? I sound like a frickn desperate lil girl . aaaah , I'm gonna cry :( I wasn't suppose to be attached like this. I can't get enough of him, Maybe it's just a infatuation? Maybe I'm just being blinded .. Maybe it's the real deal. NO . Maybe it's just I like him to much and I'm around him too much. Yeah maybe that's it .. maybe maybe. wth is it!? DUDE I SOUND SO RIDICULOUS RIGHT NOW ... O.O I need to stop typing. okay now. Errgh If he reads this, I hope he doesn't think I'm some kind of a psycho or anything.. hahahah crap . maybe I should erase? No . Maybe he'll get the picture, that I'M GOING CRAZY OVER HIM WHEN I SHOULDN'T BE. AND HE SHOULD FORGET ABOUT MY PAST AND KNOW THAT I'M SERIOUSLY NOT A BAD PERSON. :( I have such a good heart. I really do , it breaks me everytime when someone thinks that bad of me. Especially from him ... (only him).



guy, I sound like a crazy person. He's gonna wanna stop talking to me after this . -_- he's probably like, " dude this girls crazy, " hahahahaha. crap. I don't know anymore. I'm just typing cause I have nothing else to do. Maybe I'll go to milaines? Yeah, I'll go . hahaha k peas. thanks for your time, have a nice day.


KEORA PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MAN . YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE, YOU'RE MOS DEFINITELY NOT IN LOVE. YOUR NOT FALLING ,SNAP OUT OF IT. You're way to young this is all too soon. You & him are just friends...


(I'm writing all this down and not erasing,
1. because I need to see how weird I was thinking haha
2. Because to let him know how I'm feeling, and the feeling is very complicated
3. out of random thoughts I really don't care if It's public, I need to let this all out somehow.. I can't hold it in much longer.)