Wow. I never knew I could feel so guilty about taking someone's love away.. I don't even know this person. I didn't even mean to. I don't know if I should feel happy because I have him, or sad because he's not suppose to be with me.
I can see that this person really loves this guy. I know that they really loved each other. I feel how this person feels. I know how it feels & it's like the worst feeling ever. I feel like he should turn back to her, but it's like I don't want him to be hurt anymore because of this person. I don't know. It's like when I read what this person had to say, I feel like things aren't right anymore. It's weird. I shouldn't feel this way I should just forget about it because I don't even know this person.. But yet I have empathy for this person.
I feel like I'm just a re-bound now that I think about it. I'm never gonna have the real thing like this. Their's is real. He doesn't deserve me, he deserves her even though that this person put him through a lot a lot a lot. like a lot. The love was still there. He asks me to help him get over her. But that is so hard. How am I suppose to get rid of her? All of the memories, 3 yrs of his life? I can't do that. I can't . I want to be there for him I do, I just don't think it's right to be here anymore. I don't want to cause anymore pain, suffering or missing. SHE needs him as much as HE needs her. He may say that he would never want that again, that he's done with it all. That he doesn't need it. That I'm helping him get his mind off her already. But I see it in his eyes that deep down he still misses her. He may not want to be her anymore. but he misses her. he loves her. they have so much in common together. I somewhat like the things she likes. It's not easy for me esp. that I have so much feeling for him now.. I don't know what's going anymore. I don't want to loose him. but it's like something I'm gonna have to do sooner or later.
God I hate the fact that I know that things between him & I are never gonna be the real thing. I can already feel it in the back of my gut.
Unless I'm wrong about all this and things between him & I do become real I'll like that. BUT until then, I don't even know..
UGH, does he even really feel the way he says he does? Does he even feel the same way I Do?? is he even going to be something to me that I could call love? Is he just talking to me to get his mind off her? What's even going on? What's even happening? Why am I even thinking about all this? Why are there SOO many questions yet there's like one or three questions to be answered everything left unsaid? What is it? Is this suppose to happen? Everything happens for a reason. What's the reason for this? Is he ever going to get over her? I'm being selfish and all I want from him is love. He's not gonna give it to me I know. Why can't I just wait ? Why do things like this always happen to me? When is it ever going to be my turn ? God can you answer that for me please? I know I don't need anyone to be happy, I'm happy already with all the things that I have. But it's like everyone loves. UGH I know I'm too young for love. Maybe it's just not the time for me yet. I should stop complaining. Everythings fine. Why am I complaining? I don't know. I'm just.. tired.. Maybe I just need to be more careful. Or maybe I should just shut up and forget about this. yeah? Yeah . I should just stop myself here & wait. I'll just be here for him, he needs the help I can't be rude and leave him thinking too much . I can't . I understand how he feels. I'll just be here for him, like I've been doing. And I don't know, maybe I'll be wrong about this and things will change . Who knows, I just gotta have faith.
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