Um.

SO, most people have been asking " What do you want in a guy "

well I lay out the basics . But what I really want in a person, is someone who can see past my past, and still be able to accept me for who I really am today w/out a doubt. Someone who can still be here for me even when I say ' I reaally don't want you to be here ' even when I cross the line, or put my foot down. I want him to be able know me mostly inside and out , and still get the better of me. Someone that can read me, and know how I really feel, someone to understand. Someone who can play fair.

that someone , the someone that mostly everyone wants but no body gets it, because they're not even like that themselves when they should be.

misery

gone away , Feeling good today .

:] so went to go hang out with some of the church people for awhile haha and We ate pho . wowwwiowowowowow in this crazy weather. then something got in my eye and I rubbed it , and I totally forgot that I touched jalepenos so it was like BURNING I couldn't even open my eye it was tearing up like crazy, gosh, that burning sensation was not cool. eventually it got better, haha it's still kinda burning though. oh wells, I guess I'm not gonna do anything now, pretty much bummed out now haha yeaa.. this is gay. um, yeah that's pretty much it , haha peas<3

it is EXTREMELY hot.

So I'm just chillin in my garage haha cause it's nice and cool :] My neck hurts, um let's seee, this week is gonna be great! hopefully ;]

Heat waves

killing the shiat out of me -_-.


haha welps, I just got done tanning & taking a nice cool shower like about twenty minutes ago :] Um , I missed pista :( sad, but there's always next year, haha same with church picnic. ANYWAYS, rpm & I have been great so far :] good good. no more complaining I like it. hahaha anyways I don't have anything blog worthy today . So yeah peas<3 :D

church church church .

at church EARLY. -_- ahahaha no one's here. I'm hungry, tired, and apparently coooled down . :] Um, small groups today, yay ! new small groups OH NO .. hahah but yeah um hopefully tonight will be a good night :] ray comes back from LA tonight! waaahooo~ :]

complaining

no more. I gotta chill. I'm calmed down now. here's a lil something:


One day your are going to want that guy. That guy that knew he wasn't perfect, but tried to be perfect for you. That guy that could make you smile and laugh all the time. That guy that wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way he could. That guy that sees your flaws, but values them as much as your strengths. That guy that treasured part of you no one even appreciated. That guy that realizes he can never have your heart but will always carry an imagine of yours in his forever. That guy that should have you but doesn't. Even though, that guy deserves you...

Trust..

sucks ass. Especially when You're trying so hard to gain it from someone. -_-
It's like , why should I give my all to make him believe me, when he's only thinking about what I did in the past. Seriously, the things I did in my past... yeah It's not who I am. I don't know why it happened, I guess because of out of pity ? I mean c'mon, I have waaay to big of a heart. What can I do? I can't be rude to another person for shit. I'm always ended up forgiving them, no matter how disrespectful they were to me. I may treat them differently, but I'm not taking them back.


The thing about RPM & me. - well it's a lil complicated now for me. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I guess I'll just stay single for the rest of my days. But heck I don't wanna loose a good guy like him. He's getting really confusing to me. Like he says one great thing. and then says a bad one. Like it's making me feel like an idiot, not even that just pathetic and stupid. It's making me feel like shit as much as he's making me so happy again. WTFRICK. Like he'll tell me I'm everything he ever wanted , then he's thinking of me as a bad person. like he keeps thinking I'm lying to him, hiding shit from him, He thinks I might go and play around with someone else. UUUGGGGHHH , it seriously irritates me when someone I really like, (yeah him) Is gonna think of me that way when I'm telling him SOOOO many times that I'm not like that. I'm not gonna do all that. & PLUS I already made a promise to him that I wouldn't lie to him ever. I've been keeping this promise. & I'm not gonna break it , because I don't like it when people break my promises. why should I break theirs? You know whata I mean?? It's like it's killing me inside how he thinks I'm such a bad person. & it's really hard to try and convince him that I'm not like that, like If I could , I would fly down to LA right now, and tell him face to face cause I'm tired of sitting here thinking about all this all day long. I gota let it out , and the phone is not gonna work. Nothing's gonna keep my mind off of it. fnaklnfvaklshiowe it's making me mad, cause I let myself fall again for someone whose not even feeling the same way anymore. Someone I thought was actually gonna be right for once, isn't . He may be everything I ever wanted in a person. It's just I'm not the one for him.. -_- GAAAAH it's bugging the SHIAT out of me. I know we told each other that we'd build a friendship first, but man it's like we're already together we're just not official. I really want him to see that I really care about him, That I really like him, & I'm not gonna wanna do anything to hurt him. But he has to fuckn trust me first. HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA HAVE SOMEONE TRUST ME WHEN THEY'RE ONLY THINKING OF MY PAST!? THE PASSSSSTTTT. UGHKLASNFKLANKLHNILHALINFKN I don't wanna loose him. I don't wanna drop him. No not someone like him, no I'm not gonna. I'm just gonna sit here and wait til he can trust me. & if it's too late, if he decides to leave then okay, I'll be there for him, As long as he's happy then I'll be fine. I really care about him. Like he's really something special to me, he's getting quite important to me and I know I'm saying a lot for only a guy I've been talking to for a few months now. I know I sound really childish right now, I know I'm not suppose to let myself fall now, I know it's way to soon. But what can I do when I feel like I'm in love with this guy??????? O.O OMG . I know I'm not, but my god, the feelings are getting crazier and crazier each time I talk to him. Am I loosing it? Yes. I probably am. oh gosh. Someone HELP me please!!!



nsvkl angvalhgal hlh AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH . this is not good -_- this isn't good at all. Why am I so freakin attached? I sound like a frickn desperate lil girl . aaaah , I'm gonna cry :( I wasn't suppose to be attached like this. I can't get enough of him, Maybe it's just a infatuation? Maybe I'm just being blinded .. Maybe it's the real deal. NO . Maybe it's just I like him to much and I'm around him too much. Yeah maybe that's it .. maybe maybe. wth is it!? DUDE I SOUND SO RIDICULOUS RIGHT NOW ... O.O I need to stop typing. okay now. Errgh If he reads this, I hope he doesn't think I'm some kind of a psycho or anything.. hahahah crap . maybe I should erase? No . Maybe he'll get the picture, that I'M GOING CRAZY OVER HIM WHEN I SHOULDN'T BE. AND HE SHOULD FORGET ABOUT MY PAST AND KNOW THAT I'M SERIOUSLY NOT A BAD PERSON. :( I have such a good heart. I really do , it breaks me everytime when someone thinks that bad of me. Especially from him ... (only him).



guy, I sound like a crazy person. He's gonna wanna stop talking to me after this . -_- he's probably like, " dude this girls crazy, " hahahahaha. crap. I don't know anymore. I'm just typing cause I have nothing else to do. Maybe I'll go to milaines? Yeah, I'll go . hahaha k peas. thanks for your time, have a nice day.


KEORA PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MAN . YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE, YOU'RE MOS DEFINITELY NOT IN LOVE. YOUR NOT FALLING ,SNAP OUT OF IT. You're way to young this is all too soon. You & him are just friends...


(I'm writing all this down and not erasing,
1. because I need to see how weird I was thinking haha
2. Because to let him know how I'm feeling, and the feeling is very complicated
3. out of random thoughts I really don't care if It's public, I need to let this all out somehow.. I can't hold it in much longer.)

So last night, I didn't sleep til 5. -_- Um christian came over. yeah, that wasn't so nice. But on the bright side, I got a phone call this morning frm my baby! :D Made my day yesterday, I was so happy, haha like grr. Anyways the phone call, turned out to be pretty bad. Got strike three & I don't know wth is going on. :/ I'm so bummed out cause I got it. Shit, How stupid can I get? Hopefully nothing happens. I don't wanna loose him yet... >:l

Summer bores.

THERE'S NOTHING TO DO. Summer's ending real soon. Gosh darnit. I want a miracle or something, someone suprise me please. haha I'm dying. I misssss my baby :( ROOOAR. SO I just got back from milaine's and I forgot my keys inside my house and I got locked out, so I had break in from my brothers window, hahahaha shiiit, and like just like five minutes after I get in, my moma come's home -_- gaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Wish I could see my baby!


- it is 10:48pm. and his phone's off -_- don't know why but I'm going crazy, I wanna talk to him soooooooooooooooooo bad. this isn't good. I miss him like crazy . :( gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah why am I so addicted to him!? blah, wish I could talk to him. Welps looks like I'm not sleeping tonight -_-

He's nice ;] Yes. Thank God!

not the best picture, hahaha but it'll do.

- oh btw, go watch this video it made me cry. it's pretty good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

#

OK, so I pretty much spent the whole day with me deears. :] Laaahved it. Anyways we're making t-shirts, lol it's pretty cool, learned something new todays. OH and it was his sister's birthday dinner happy happy birthday to herr! :D wahoo. My back hurts. Tomorrow is gonna be a good day. hopefully. well i gtg, nigghtttt. peas<3

A walk to remember

such a goood movie! Got done watching again! I love that movie!

go watch it! haha again. that movie actually teaches you a lot a lot. well maybe not a lot a lot, but just the good stuff ;]

I miss my dear,

UGH , so today sonsak MADE ME ANGRY. yup, Realizing more, and making me so mad about how stupid I was again. But it's okay I'll get over it.

"good news is on the way, let the good times roll"

wedding shower

So today was a good day, pretty much spent it with ray and his family . hahahaha but he got me a new fish for my birthday!! :] it's a betta, named him GUPPY 2 DOUG :] yaaaaaaaay well it's like 2 in the morning and I needa sleep. So gooo night! :}

retreat!

I love brian na, it's my birthday ! hahaha , sooo retreat was HECKA FUN. Mon: Scatter ball & High rope course, Tues: Kick Ball & Canoeing, Wed: Bacon Ball & Mine Field Thurs: OH yeah that's today , hahahahaha we're going home. rawrrrrrrr! This bug bite on my elbow is itching like craaaaazy. Okay, last night was pretty itense. Pretty personal. & it was a really great thing. I saw the sunset by myself and prayed, hahahhhaa Yeha I'm a loner, but it was all good :] I got to know some people more and I got a lil closer to God :D . Milaine's camera sucks. I lost my voice and can only whisper. Lol everyone else lost their voices. I had to say, Canoeing & Bacon ball was the best activity. SO MUCH FUN. waahoooooooo! Can't wait to get home, every part of my body is hecka sore. Welps, gotta go, worshiping time. Peas<3



GOD LOVES YOU. For real.
- Keora do

the snack that smiles back ;)

hahaha so today was pretty gooood ;] didn't get to see that many fireworks but it was gooood, HAHAH so just earlier ray had a cake left so we decided to fire it in his backyard then run upstairs to see it through his window, so we lite it up, ran up two stairways ran to the window, hahaha and only saw it fly up but not the BIG BANG, cause his roofing was in the way -_- hahaha anyways I'm bouta go to bed. Gooo night Peas<3

tiredd

So FINALLY I see everyone once again at YG today ;] woooo it's been awhile. Haha YG was craaackin ;] got me hot cheeto puffffs! YESYES. only because KEVIN didn't wanna frickin share. hahaha Sam Choi said I have rougher hands than him, I need start puting on lotion on my hands now, I stopped xD hahahahhahhahahaa Sam back has THE most comfortablest sandles I've ever worn muahahaha, their like house slippers, BUT BETTER 8D . Welps, My baby went to gameworks for his cuzzo's birthday, So I'm just sitting in my roon waiting BORED out of my mind. Myabe I'll go take a walk ? maybe, iono yet, I'm kinda in the mood for some HI - CHEWS. YES, I want HI - CHEWS. mkay g'night peoples! Peassss<3

Hm, so it's been awhile since I came on, hahaha

welps, Today was a good day , cept for the morning, but then my dear came over and it got better. We sat at the park for awhile , hahaha it was cute . Then we walked to KFC and ate there, then edward came then we went back to the park chilled, went to the transit (figured we wanted bubble tea at pochis) so we're waiting @ the bus stop, and ray see's milaine walking and I called her over, so now it's us 4 going to pochis. Haha we walk inside pochis and we see sam back, andy, andrew, & cuong. Played 13 for a bit. Sam and them left, then later on jeff came in , hahahaha then he left , still we play 13. haha then we bused back to the transit, went to SSC for ray's registration stuff, and then we went back to the transit. Saying bye was pretty awkward, lol then me and milaine go back to her house, then we see her dad, so we hop in the car and we all go back to ranch 99, then pochis then safeway. Fell asleep in the car, got back to milaines, and now milaine's trying to fold stars, haha I'm on the laptop, and sooner or later we are gonna make some delicious ass brownies yo! Mkay Peas<3




- Missssssin my sweeet baby ray's.

summer's been okay , Haven't been really kickin it yet , I need a phone, I feel so out of reach..