eyes stinging

well it's science. and like it's after hc day. I feel really bad for ditching, but I had too .. i feel a weird vibe that people are irritated that i ditched.. sighs. people need to get over it. it was my choice. & I'm sorry about it , but like honestly if i didn't miss hc, i would've been down.

right place wrong time - avant

it's pouring down rain outside, and I wish it would never stop.

my dear,
I love you. I wish you could see that.

did he ever really love me?

:l

i need help.

You may not be her first, her last or her only. she loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad and miss her when she's not there. - Bob Marley

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most? Saying something and wishing you hadn't? Or saying nothing and wishing you had? I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart. If you don't, you might break theirs. Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid to losing what you already had with that person? Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't. You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on it's own when you least suspect it or even when you don't want it to. Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you? Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does not care as much or even at all. Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle? We tell lies when we are afraid...afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger. Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done or could have had.

-Anonymous - got from nina saechao's blog.

a man who respects his woman enough to stand up for her when she is not around, is a man who values his relationship with her whether she knows it or not.

change

I've been thinking. I haven't been thinking lately, but I've been thinking a lot. Not just about one thing, but about a whole lot. Not just me, but everyone else too. Not just the people I know, but the people that I've never met as well. Not even just that, but everything in the world. It's not long thinking, just short things. Everything, Everyone pops up. & as I look out, in my mind it just replays back to back. Where are they going? What are they doing? Do they know what's going? All these questions. & to myself, I say: 'I wanna be there to help' but how? not everybody takes a hand. why not try? some will say, well It's not easy when you're just one person you know? & I wonder what can I do, to make other people go out there and help? How can I help those who has no one on their side? Well I can be there on their side. So can you. I don't know, maybe you guys who read my blogs just think I'm going a little nuts, but you know it's true. Why are rude to those who are rude to us? Shouldn't we be nice back to show that they should act the same? & if they don't care, they'll always remember. They'll always wonder why you were so nice to them , when they were cruel. If not now, it'll get to them sooner. Because everyone you talk to , everyone you see, everyone whose talked to you, or seen you. You may not know, it may not be true, but sometimes, 1 out of 3 chances, you probably changed their lives forever. Maybe not their lives, but their ways. I'm not sure how to say all this, maybe this'll help; It's not how skilled you are, how smart you are, how strong you are, how much money you have, or how you look, etc. it's the kindness in your heart that affects the world. That's pretty much it. Because when I look out to the world, All I see is everyone on the edge, even myself. Its really sad to see your world die slowly. Everyone talks about how they want to see change in the world, well that could happen if you start on your own.

wow

hm? let's see, I need to get back to god. not that I've been away frm him, I've been away frm my fellow church family. its been a month now. everythings been climbing ontop of me. babysitting, family help. and now rays lola is in the hospital. pray the best for her. please. I would hate to see one go. It would hurt me inside to see him n his family feel the pain. :( sighs, its been half a year now since me n him been talking. I'm actually really proud. I jst hope all this time together doesn't go to waste. mm, idk. so saturday, the plan was to go meet my dad for the first time. and boy was I nervous. I couldn't think, I could hardly breathe, I was shooken up inside all I wanted to do was cry. I don't even know why. but it didn't happen. I didn't get to see him. why? I'm not sure. but the more I'm getting closer and closer to meeting him, the more I start to get weak. the more I start to crave. the more I want to meet him. eh I think ill end it here for now. hands are cramping I'm getting tired. goodnight<3

the worlds falling apart. not just the world, but the people inside of it.

I'm stupid.

yeah I know, I shouldn't have took him back. But I did. & I don't regret taking him back. I'm just scared now. More than ever to fall in more love with him.

I fucked up.

hopefully it's not to late. :/ eh not feeling the greatest today. god please help me.

True Love?

The greatest irony of love is loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right, and finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life... and still you sit there praying that they will soon realize how much you truly mean to them. And sometimes you think you're already over a person, but when you see them smile at you you'll suddenly realize that you're just pretending to be over them just to waste the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again, For some they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much you love the person. Most relationships tend to fail not because of the absence of love, Love is always present. its just that one was being loved too much and the other was being loved too little. As we all know that the heart is in the center of the body but beats on the left. Maybe that's the reason why the heart is not always right. Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love only to discover that for them, we are just for past times and faded memories, while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or stranger. So here's a piece of advice; let go when you're hurting too much, give up when love isn't enough, and move on when things are not like before. There is someone out there who will love you even more. Surely then, you will know true love.

So yesterday as I was in the car ride home, I was looking out the window, admiring the outside for once in like hella long . I asked myself if I was truly happy.. And you know what? I honestly think I should be truly happy right now. But I'm not, because I feel like I want MORE out of what I already have, like I'm not fully satisfied.. and yet I'm being selfish once more, I mean what more can I possibly ask for?? I thought maybe it's my dad, but I don't know, I already have my other family at my side, I'm so close into meeting him, yet I still know nothing of him.. & like why should I mop about it now? I never mopped before. I was doing fine then, I'm doing fine now.

Maybe it's just this love thing that's been building up on me. Maybe I should just stop because I am way to young for it. He's already gotten past the fact for it already and now its like he's waiting for me, in reality I'm really waiting for him, None of it makes sense anymore. But what makes sense in the world anyways? Everything and everyone is messed up in some mumbo jombo way anyways. Who cares? I sure as hell don't. I just wish there was something to remind again that life isn't dandy at all. I already feel like my life should end now. can something pick me up now? I'm falling , and I don't want to fall no more. I can pick myself up, but I need more strength than my own ..

I don't know, I just really miss him.

- on the bright side, my grades are really good right now :o) except for that one C. lol the rest is like As & Bs.

biggest mistake - javier

I'm not sure how I feel at this moment.

well this weeks been a bit frustrating. I don't wanna get into details. All I know is that I'm still bruised from it.. I'm desperate for god right now, and everyday. I'm love sick. I'm helpless. Homecoming's around the corner.. Not too excited as I was before.. well I don't know.. hopefully things will get better soon. I feel sick.. I feel depressed but I'm not.

fnaklfhalhanceiheighahg