So yesterday as I was in the car ride home, I was looking out the window, admiring the outside for once in like hella long . I asked myself if I was truly happy.. And you know what? I honestly think I should be truly happy right now. But I'm not, because I feel like I want MORE out of what I already have, like I'm not fully satisfied.. and yet I'm being selfish once more, I mean what more can I possibly ask for?? I thought maybe it's my dad, but I don't know, I already have my other family at my side, I'm so close into meeting him, yet I still know nothing of him.. & like why should I mop about it now? I never mopped before. I was doing fine then, I'm doing fine now.

Maybe it's just this love thing that's been building up on me. Maybe I should just stop because I am way to young for it. He's already gotten past the fact for it already and now its like he's waiting for me, in reality I'm really waiting for him, None of it makes sense anymore. But what makes sense in the world anyways? Everything and everyone is messed up in some mumbo jombo way anyways. Who cares? I sure as hell don't. I just wish there was something to remind again that life isn't dandy at all. I already feel like my life should end now. can something pick me up now? I'm falling , and I don't want to fall no more. I can pick myself up, but I need more strength than my own ..

I don't know, I just really miss him.

- on the bright side, my grades are really good right now :o) except for that one C. lol the rest is like As & Bs.